For so long I bought into the underlying lie that as a Christian wife and mother that I had to strive for perfection or I wasn’t a “good enough” Christian.
Somehow if I was stronger and more “spiritual”, I would not feel anxious at all or depressed about circumstances or basically broken in any way.
When I asked Jesus to reside in my heart, there was a part of me that breathed a sigh of relief because at the age of 18, I was assured in my mind I was “fixed” now because I was saved.
I have journeyed through this life and at 45 years old, I have experienced death, divorce, loss, abandonment, redemption, remarriage, blending of families, restoration, and bitter heartache in the deepest places.
I have learned that salvation is not a cure all.
Salvation is just the beginning of my eternal walk with Jesus. My first page of my first chapter with Him.
Salvation is not an antidote to being anxious, depressed, broken…This is not what is promised in the Bible that I read anyway.
The Lord does tell us that he is not the Author of confusion.
He promises “a peace that passes all understanding”.
Those are promises I can stand on. He is my rock.
When God saves us our out of our messes, he changes our heart, but he doesn’t change our circumstances.
The truth is that Life is hard, but He is with us walking through all the parts. The easy, the simple, the complex and the downright devestating parts.
The parts of Life that would crush us under the weight of the heavy fog that causes us to see only a curtain of fear and uncertainty.
While uncomfortable and dark, it is in the difficult times that we become broken and come to the end of our own strength.
Being broken is not weak.
Being broken is where we can find the sweetest communion with Jesus.
I know that some of my darkest hours have led to my deepest revelations from the Lord.
This broken place is where He is waiting to say,
“My daughter, rest your head on my shoulder, lay it all down and trust in me.”